#this was a LOT more than i thought id write
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i love being an aromantic audio drama fan its like being in a banquet hall that has all of my favourite foods set out just for meee :⟩
#m#audio drama#the amount of aspec rep in podcasts compared to . literally anywhere else ive seen is kind of insane#really comforting though#ive called myself ace for ages but#i only really started IDing as aro in the last couple years and got more into podcasts even more recently#kind of a blessing. made me feel a lot better about it seeing that people care about the stories of people like me enough to tell them#with added horrors of course but like. im listening to horror. lmao#anyway ummmm ive gotten a lot more emotional writing these tags than i thought i would. gootdbye (runs away
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i must draw bl don x kurokumo ishmael yuri i must draw bl don x kurokumo ishmael yuri i must draw bl don x kurokumo ishmael yuri i must [dies]
#nothing more gay than dueling eachother in a turf war amirite or amirite#“Ishmael began to notice a pattern.”#“Surely enough / the bright eyed Salsu always found her way to her / as if she were seeking out Ishmael specifically.”#“Their blades would always find themselves clashing against each other / no matter the place and time of conflict.”#“For whatever reason / Ishmael began to anticipate their duels.”#“She began to eagerly await each battle between the Kurokumo Clan and the Blade Lineage.”#“And when a fight erupted / Ishmael would scan the crowd for the petite swordswoman.”#“It was only a matter of time before she’d inevitably show up / dashing in with her blade in hand.”#“And then a long / lengthy / and passionate duel would be had between the two.”#“Only a few thousand duels later / and raised eyebrows (as well as questioning) from Heathcliff did Ishmael realize:”#“She had stopped attempting to purposefully harm her opponent.”#“It was certainly odd / Ishmael had to admit. The way she found herself lost in the swordswoman’s eyes…”#“Or the way she felt almost dizzy looking at the swordswoman’s smile… 'Cute' had been a word Ishmael used to describe that grin—”#“Which had earned her a couple of raised eyebrows from her clanmates (and in Rodya’s case / a snicker.)”#“It was surely nothing though / Ishmael thought to herself / as she gripped the hilt of her katana.”#“Another battle was about to break out / after all…”#“And she could worry about the implications of the sensations she feels when fighting against that particular somebody afterwards.”#if i had a nickel for wvery time i hijacked the tags to write an entire minific#id have two nickels#which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice#anzu says shit#ishdon#limbus company#project moon#lcb ishmael#lcb don quixote
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the only reason why I dont post more about gretta darkkettle is because then I'd actually get Serious on here
#listen yall im not really the type of person to let a fictional character get me actually riled up (negative) irl#cuz theyre just tools in a narrative not real people#but like dont some of you have just That One Character that you actually just Hate.#actually i dont think id have so much of a problem eith gretta if she were written to actually face consequences and not be a free woman#but like. we have a game that introduces serious issues within it right? please portray that PROPERLY ....#like okay we all know that wizard101 isnt exactly the pinnacle of genius and sensitive writing#theres like 800 more topics in the game that were handled horribly that are much more important than gretta but.#i wont even get INTO gretta ANYMORE SUALAJSOSHDU she. she ugh. she really makes me (commits murder on a wide scale)#like i was thinking of doing an essay on her but for many reasons i decided against that. one of those reasons is that I Love Myself Actualy#anyways this post is useless. HAKWHEOEH bit idgaf i like to air out my thoughts like stinky laundry#its always noteworthy to me when fiction actually makes me MAD. a lot of the things in wizard101 is like that for me. goos job kingsisle /s#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts
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3.40 i woke up bc i was cold and needed to pee and now i can't fall back asleep i keep thinking of the people i accidentally ghosted. is it ghosted if there was no intent to ghost? i feel so bad and it's not even like i don't think about them i often do think "i should really reply to them... once this is over ill properly sit down and write them... " and then i don't bc something else happens and im dealing with that and the longer i leave it unanswered the more difficult it becomes because i feel so guilty and therefore want to do things properly not half assed but bc i feel so guilty a part of me also tends to avoid it even more. if i do this to you just know i'm really sorry and ill get back to you i swear
#i have this friend i didn't reply to him for 6 months and then i did with lots of apologies he replied no worries haha AND I WENT AND DIDN'T#REPLY TO THAT FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS and the thing is when i had texted him in january i was falling ill and then i was ill for more than a#week so i wasn't really in a condition to reply. and since bc of the illness i had missed some crucial classes and was in the middle of#exam session and i was really struggling so then too i delayed texting him. and then the second semester started and it was such a shitshow#and then i fell ill again and i thought to write him hey i was first ill then send i didn't reply to you and im ill now and im replying to#you 🫠. but then i didn't again#anyways last week i finally texted him like ''hey. how are you ? im really bad at keeping in touch im sorry. can i offer you lunch or dinne#one of these days to apologize and so that we can catch up a little?'' and he hasn't replied yet which is like obviously fine. id get it if#he didn't reply for 6 months or a year i'd pretty much deserves it id say. i'm just worried that he'll never reply bc i have fucked it up#entirely. the truth is all my lifd ive been used to seeing many people i care deeply about like once or twice a year without barely any#contact in between and when we're together again it's like time hasn't passed at all. we just pick up from where we left#the same goes with long distance friendships. to me#anyone ANYONE can tell you how little i reply. :(. still. i know it's not good. @ friend i hope you'll find it in you to forgive me and let#me treat you to lunch#god. side note there is something in this house that is triggering my allergy so bad whether its dust or cat blanket im having the worst#time#good night ill try to sleep again now#it took me one hour to write this post yes
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Suddenly cursed with the desire to write out detailed paragraphs about my dozen aro and/or ace headcanons for genshin characters
#fern.txt#I MAY BE OUT OF THE WOODS WITH MY HARDEST MIDTERM BUT I STILL HAVE WORK :///#genshin#see it’s sometimes hard for genshin chars bc alot of my hcs I notice go hand in hand w chars having trauma#so sometimes I less want to assign them labels n moreso have thoughts on how trauma impacts their#relationship w sexuality or romance#so sometimes I less have a hc and more like an insane introspective concept Abt this character weighing between#aroace identity vs coping and unpacking trauma#so u have a range of like my aroace hc for yoimiya is just bc she probably feels she jsut loves everyone deeply#and doesn’t rlly feel she experiences attraction that stands out compared to this sort of general love for ppl#cynonari are in a demi-aroace sort of relationship where both of them just feel very disinterested sbt romance n sex#but bc they have such a deep bond with e/o#they’re just more comfortable with kind of having some sort of relationship/dictation of e/o as a ‘partner’ of sorts#n then I have my collei hcs where I think if u talked to her Abt it#she would say she consciously thinks her relationship w attraction is rlly influenced by her trauma but she takes comfort in IDing as xyz#aro or ace identity bc she thinks it suits her n she’s ok with the fact she handles attraction differently than other ppl#I think her being around tighnari and cyno who she feels understand her experiences helps her a lot)#but then in contrast if I were to write an wanderer fic in line w my ace hcs for him#it would honestly be more of a narrative of as he has time to process n heal from trauma he moves away from the ace label more#bc I think I’d see him conclude yeah I think alot of my repulsion and detachment from attraction comes from my trauma#and while I still relate to alot of ace experiences I think it might be more helpful and accurate to how I feel#identity wise to try to repair my relationship with it#instead of resonate with the label and idea I don’t have interest in these things nor experience these attractions
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......... who's gonna tell him ... .. ill do it @markiplier
#IM KIDDING ALKJNFGADFBG IM SORRY MARK BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NAMED THIS PLAYLISTTTTTT#actually you know what on the slim to none chance i submit this at Just the right time and it gets a bunch of notes#and he somehow does actually see this post#(hi sappy/backstory tm incoming feel free to continue scrolling lmao>>)#mark you helped my mom so much#she was sick for 5 years and in that time as she got weaker and more tired what she had an abundance of was Time#and as someone who since losing her has now also become extremely depressed i underrstand Even More how horrible that kind of Time can be#to have and go through and be frustrated and devastated and bored out of your mind#but some of my friends started me in watching your videos#and she was my best friend#i shared everything with her#so of course i shared your videos too#and we would watch a lot of them together but you also have so many on your channel from so far back in addition to the new ones#that she had plenty to go back through and watch on her own while i was at school#we always felt like your humor and mentality fit right in with the rest of the household like you were a longtime friend#or neighbor from just down the road who we spoke with regularly or smth idk it was just so easy for your videos to be engaging and upliftin#she could have a playlist on to fall asleep to and be distracted from everything coming up...and that means more#than i could ever begin to thank you for#i think fnaf had been one of the things id been introduced to you through..and then tiny box tim we loved tiny box tim#back when you were first getting into making shorts and improving equipment/editing quality i always thought it would be so cool#if we somehow ran into one another on the street somewhere and i could offer to help#because i was watching those videos too! i want to make them as cool as possible and im going to school for it i know tips and tricks#and by now im sure youve probably surpassed what i know haha the INSANELY awesome and frankly gorgeous cinematography and impressive#but anyway... i know she had those videos to fill the Time when i was at school#and sometimes when i wasnt but when i was too exhausted#and i know you made her laugh and smile through it all#and that means everythingto me#ok well thhat got sappy fast sorry everyone christ#ive thought so many times over the years about trying to write something in the comments on a video or send an email or something and like#i feel bad same time cos i know soooo many people have similar stories or treat youtubers/celebrities like theyre actual saviors and angels
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I feel a bit wary saying this because it doesn't feel quite real yet, but! had my last week of college classes last week. I still have to get through my last exam period but it's very odd to think this degree is almost over and done with. many thoughts about it in general.
#vi rambling#well. TIME TO RAMBLE#I think degrees in general are a very normalized stage of life but it felt so abnormal to me to go through so i thought id#share my thoughts. because theyre complicated!#i chose a degree solely based on my interests. which may haven't been the smartest choice all in all#considering i dont think it'll grant me any job opportunities and well.#considering my main aspirations is to Create some sorta something it at the very least widened my breadth of knowledge.#but i have to admit im mostly very frustrated. because while its obviously natural to laser focus on studies#my creativity's really stagnated over the last 3-4 years. kinda feels like i wasted my time on something and kinda missed the train whateve#that means. idk. art history was a lot more rewarding than film thats for sure because film theory is unfortunately mostly complete bs.#and honestly every year of college was a complete disaster on a personal note i dont feel like getting into but each year was surrounded by#so many bad circumstances that the fact its gonna be over feels like. it isnt over until its over. im still scared something will pop up an#will suddenly yet again fuck things up for me and this degree Wont happen. idk.#but yeah mostly i an very much looking forward to practical art studies. something to actually idk. make me feel like#im making the most out of myself. instead of trapping it under mountains of collegework. and stagnating#will probably be deleted later idk what im getting at writing this here. disillusionment or whatever
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getting the urge to write again somehow
#noodle talks#not art#🫀#if i do its gonna be for 1-2 and 1-3 which surprises no one at all#theyre making me ill#i keep listening to the experimental playlist i made and oughhh#problem is i have a few scenes in my brain for them i wanna write but idk which to do first#maybe ill make a poll ?? idk#also idk if anyone will gaf jrkshdjr#writing takes a lot more time than art for me so i wanna be sure that people will actually see it#we havent felt like writing in a while though so this surprised me a bit#i should probably explain the actual plot of experimental before i start writing anything though . wwww#thought abt making a comic but id rather explode i think
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do i dare change roadkill's entire setting . im tired of big city. this isnt my heart
#really crazy that there are still big remnants of the original creative writing assignment i had . our setting had to be chicago#LMAO. but um. im really over it.#west virginia or like... ??/ rural new jersey for some reason..?#...........i really only like writing of places ive been and ive been in west virginia a lot more than rural nj. so. um.#i thought about az for a while but no. then id be too tempted to give one of them a horse. LMFAOOOO
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🌹🍆
MCTWINKS!
(fineeee I'll settle for lestappen if you don't have McTwinks 🥺)
it's almost like you did not believe for a second i would have a mctwink wip... i'll forgive you bc bb.brain (from audie, ofc) 🧡🧡
Oscar, who would not know a beat or a bush if the bush beat him around the head, says, “I think we
#honestly it's like u dont even know me!#jk jk#enjoyyyy#this will btw possibly change bc i've had Other Thoughts abt the spine of this fic anddddd#a Lot would change!#but goodness.... would i want to lose lines like this...#poetry id say . absolute Poetry#xiao: asks#asks: fic writing#f1 rpf#also oscar absolutely would know a beat and a bush. lando is Projecting#elle my beloved#i have written more mctwink than anyone will ever know#anyone except like. three people . we a Trio .
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Ahh!! I'm coming up to a follower milestone and I was trying to think of what I could do to celebrate! So, here's a poll, please help me to decide 😊
#me#polls#idk guys what should i do???#im like five followers away so it might still take a while haha#idk what to even do with cetbwa for this but i know a lot of people followed me because of it so like... there has to be something to do#i feel like doing prompt submissions would be better fun for everyone and would be a good way to say thank you to you all#but by previous experience i can only do like three before i give up and i want to do more than that haha#i could try to limit myself and not do thousands of words for each prompt and hopefully i could do more haha#i could certainly try#idk what do you guys think??#id like to continue a few of my other bits too#i should really try and collate them all in a proper tag#i need a proper writing tag what should it be????#one question at a time haha#or what else could i do???#idk whats a thought?#ooooh but excited for the milestone though how fun!
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I don’t think he ever read any of my poems now that I think about it
#tales from diana#when we first met i told him about my poems and i gave him some free copies of this small local literary magazine they're published in#he pretended to be interested but never actually said he read them. i dont think i asked more than a couple times#but if i recall correctly he told me unprompted a few times he hadnt#perhaps thats why he thought of me as more of an artist than a poet. he had seen me draw but i dont write poems in front of ppl#and it takes one second to look at a drawing (and to not appreciate it) (as he didn't for the most part)#even though i explained often that id only been drawing for like a year and im still very much a beginner and it's a huge struggle for me#it's very very hard for me to draw i don't consider myself good at it. ive made a FEW good works but im not a good artist#im not confident but that's ok ive enjoyed my progress#there were a lot of little things id do for him that he just wouldnt acknowledge much or seem to care about#so much for trying to make an impression on ppl#i think some ppl only want to be around you so they can suck up your company and feel validated#i have to be honest. that is nothing like me at all#im fine being alone. i could never be addicted to ppl as some are.#long story short this guy never cared about me
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ok since tears of the kingdom is coming out like. insanely soon i figured i’ll just dump how i’ve been feeling abt it here. i wont tag for them and i dont intend to share any but because i have been actively seeking out spoilers i will vaguely reference them here so… idk really long musings on this game and my feelings abt it
(im just writing this out mostly for myself since i really kind of just. want to really figure out how i feel about this)
i… am not excited for totk?
i’ve figured out a bit ago that my severely waning interest in botw and general anxiety and discontent surrounding totk is just that… these games arent for me. i dont enjoy open world games with half a million things for you to do like it’s basically a sandbox. i struggle to really enjoy singleplayer minecraft. the space stage in spore gives me genuine anxiety, both when i played it as a kid and again when i reached it as an adult.
botw and totk are not games for me, and that’s cool. i’ve figured that out.
so why am i getting so damn anxious about this new game?
i am getting totk- not entirely of my own volition, i live with someone who is very genuinely excited for it, so it’s pre-ordered digitally on our switch. i am going to play it and complete it at least once.
the gameplay and world of botw never really got to me, and even what snippets of gameplay i see for totk dont really entice me. it just makes me anxious to think about the sheer amount of new stuff i’ll be dropped in the middle of and how i really dont care about this version of link or zelda or anyone else in botw’s hyrule
and some of the story spoiler stuff and general direction this game is going in has me just worried that the zelda series is moving away from what it used to be into an entirely new direction, that being a direction that it seems like i wont enjoy as much as everyone else seems to
so then i guess my main worry outside of totk is that i just end up struggling to really feel connected to the rest of the community about this? being a contrarian is fun until everyone is enjoying something you for some reason can’t get yourself to
i dont have a lot of hope in the story of totk to harken back to… ANYTHING of worth that past games have built up and made to be so important and interesting. hype is a dangerous thing for a not-yet-released game, and while i think the insane amount of speculation and theories and hype around totk will cause a lot of people to be disappointed with the final story, i dunno if i really wouldve liked it even if the story actually piqued my interest
maybe totk’s gameplay will really hook me. maybe i’ll enjoy the massive open world and gmod-ass gimmicks. but what ive seen of the story makes me less interested and the snippets of gameplay i see just make me remember how bored i now am with botw
at the end of the day this is just a video game with tags on this site i can blacklist and videos i can ignore and lore i can brush aside because at this point loz canon is a suggestion more than anything
i just cant shake the discomfort of once again being an outlier as everyone i see loses their mind about this new game while i just feel overwhelmed by it. i have played botw for a long time and have long since worn it out. i played age of calamity to completion and have not touched it or cared for it beyond the music since. i am not excited about totk and i feel like i am in the wrong due to my opinion
#salty talks#kinda personal? just angsting abt totk and being a lil negative abt it#at this point im not expecting it to blow me away. i no longer have fun playing botw. i do not care for the story or characters#this if anything is to soothe my nerves and is for the sake of my own wellbeing to articulate how i feel about this#it is cool to like. put your feelings into words. this is a lot more eloquent than ‘i miss linebeck’#it feels kinda selfish to bitch abt a game thats not out yet and complain abt it not seeming enjoyable to me#but it looks like a genuinely good game. but its not for me. and thats what im ruminating on here#like i love linear stories games that limit you and fun little gimmicks and characters with complex arcs and all that#i played a little bit of skyward sword earlier and was finishing up the cistern dungeon and was so delighted to see the main statue lowered#i love the dungeons with gimmicks that flip everything around and force you to really think abour your next move#im excited to reach the water temple in oot again to swim around and tinker with the water level#i cant wait to finish oot and move onto mm and its wonderful gameplay and areas#id love to revisit albw and get back to playing ph (and maybe finishing triforce heroes idk abt that one i just want the linebeck outfit)#i played botw for like ten minutes a few weeks ago and then put it away without a second thought#so. if anyone wanted to know how i feel abt totk. its a bit alienating#i might blacklist every variation of ze/ink tbh. sayonara you weeaboo shits and your bland fucking milquetoast ship thats kinda irritating#i may delete this bc it errs on the side of being too personal but i really just need to write this stuff downh#anyways. going back to writing my thing abt my oc n linebeck hanging out and being gay
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I have ideas.
I have a peanut gallery of friends that get excited.
I have at least a couple spoons, sometimes.
I keep having to actively choose not to think about my wips not work on my wips not even look at my wips because I'll want to work on them and I have too much work and homework and my exam is coming up and I'm aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I want to write :'(
#bliz rambles#i have one that's technically only about half written but outlined and really will likely only take a wee bit to at least get the rough#draft done#i have another thats sprawling into a leggy fucking nightmare and ive been letting myself spew the ideas i have for it in little notes in#a thread in my discord gc and i want to compile them so bad it hurts#one of my friends made a sidelong comment yesterday that made me rwalize ive had a solution to a fic breaking problem#in my lap the whole goddamn time#and i cant work on a single fucking one of them#because if i let myself write for fun im going to blow every last spoon on it i know i will#and i have so few right now#because my pain is being Mean and i have a lot i /need/ to get done with those few spoons#and so i wait#and im so afraid that by the time i have time again#i wont have the motivation or the ideas will dry up or i'll be too burnt#i already feel like a pile of ash#but i have ideas. and i have /hope/ which is /wild/ because i thought i didnt like writinf and i thought i was bad at it#but my god people like my latest fic#like a lot more than i thought anyone ever might fjdjdksk#theres only 7 public bookmarks but my stats page says there're 32 🤣#i will /take that fucking win/ and id like to run with it i really would#but i have so much to do#dont work 6 days a week kids. not unless you get /really/ good benefits and they pay you for drive time.#and even then probably dont
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Oh...
#tho im confused bcs i dont remember my calender giving me notifs about fp1 and fp2#but seeing this im like ....ah :(#also i dont think ill ever call this gp by its proper name#its either Imola or San Marino for me#(kinda laughing at myself from months ago when i was writing down race watch checklists)#(bcs sometimes id put the track name rather than the country)#(like writing down Nürburgring(Europe) rather than just Europe or writing down Suzuka(Japan) instead of just Japan)#(like bro those lists are only for my eyes why did i feel the need to flex that i know the track names LMAO)#(i understand writing Imola *now* instead lf Emilia Romangna bcs its a lot shorter)#(but why did i write Imola and Monza for my 2005 checklist rather than San Marino and Italy)#(again: flexing that i know the tracks but to myself i really dont understand my past thought processes sometimes)#but speaking of race checklists#I wrote down the schedule in my notebook before the season began like by a few months i think#i had to cross out the numberings bcs china got canceled AND UGHHHHHH NOW ITS EVEN MORE MESSED UP#i dont even reference that schedule bcs its all in my phone calender but just its mere messed up presence bothers me sm#so like its 22 races for sure now right? like i can call monaco round six yes? i think its 8 in my book lmao#but UGHHHHHH the fact that all the races are moved back one is gonna get on my nerves so badly#bcs i have a legitimate checklist i fill out and now its inacurate....i swear if imola gets rescheduled i will just burn the notebook#anyways :)#still havent done thst placement exam bcs i got sidetracked and now its 6:30 am! i need to sleep!#catie.rambling.txt
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thinking about how it took claire one firm "no" to go "well okay fuck you then" gjhj
#the writing for ID is so dumb sometimes bc claire's first thought was oh okay i see where this is going#she just said you do you and i do me without much of an explanation she's missing like half of the plot she was shoved away from#which is why i kinda reject ~the great war~ in the parking lot. it's not really in character imo and#an underground joint investigation throughout the years leading to re6 would actually be more interesting#than whatever excuse to justify the lack of presence. by the end of ID there are like 4 people alive who know about the chip in some extent#i'd rather believe they actually worked together to bring down the corruption tho it didn't lead nowhere as we know already from tall oaks#ALSO it ties with what neil asked claire in rev2! when he asked her about tricell and washington she lied through her teeth <3#i hope re6r will give us that claire dlc this time around bc it could give (me) closure about how that chip situation was solved#BUT I DIGRESS
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